i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
