i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
