giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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