It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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