he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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