You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
