I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
