dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize