I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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