So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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