I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
