I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
