I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
