Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
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I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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