Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
