I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
