I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize