He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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