where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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