Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
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Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
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He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
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