i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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