She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
