My brain says no but my pants say off.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
