dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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