I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
