life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
