he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
