dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.