what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
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Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
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I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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