I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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