i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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