I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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