I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I will pee on everything he values.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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