so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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