The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
