I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
