your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
