you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So apparently I’m into choking now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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