We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
