that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
