Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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