Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
