I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
