After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
