I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
