i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Say something about gay babies.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize