they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
