Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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