i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
