When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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