at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
