The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
