I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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