I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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