my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
