you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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