I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
