We're facebook friends in real life
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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