I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
