Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
