Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
