Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...