meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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