If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
