i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We're too hungover to prance.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
