Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
