first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize
