Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
