I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
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There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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