"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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