You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
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Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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