I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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