I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
