Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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